And for no particular reason, but for many reasons all at the same time.
I wish days like these didn't have to be a part of life.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
Nuff said
http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/
if you ever need to be cheered up, this is my recommendation. Or just go to the store, but this at least keeps you out of the hussle and bussle of crazy people.
if you ever need to be cheered up, this is my recommendation. Or just go to the store, but this at least keeps you out of the hussle and bussle of crazy people.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Let classes begin...
9/20 11:30am....Microbiology....and an online Psych. 200 level class this quarter....gotta love -ologies.
I am actually excited to start classes again. I feel like my brain turns to jello if I am not learning anything. I hate feeling useless, and the past 5 weeks, although they have been a much needed break, they were also torture. I am happy to be distracted by something I am good at.
I have a brain, and a very smart one. I love details, challenging topics, debates.....the usual.
Sadly, I've been feeling under the weather for a few days. Headaches, sinus stuff, overall lack of energy...could be also because I've been working out twice a day just because I had time to do it.
What's cool is I got a new job, and a new place to live all within the past couple of weeks. I am so excited that I get to move and not live with my momma anymore. I love her to death, she has been such a good mom, and she loves me dearly....but I can't handle being treated like I am 16 anymore...that was 9 years ago.
I will still see her because she will be my laundromat and pedicure funds....so it should be good.
One thing I love about moms and I know I take for granted because I am not a mom yet is this...she will always be the one to care for you (even if imperfectly and sometimes annoyingly) and she will give the clothes off her back and the food off her plate to keep you healthy, warm, and fed. I heard someone say that when their mom passes away there will be no one left who truly puts you before themselves at all times....
Now not all moms are like that, some turn out to be lame and horrible, but for the most part it's true. I know that my mom would sell a kidney to make sure I was ok. She has fought her whole life to make sure I would turn out a bright young woman, and I hope that I meet that expectation.
So the Fall is here, not much of a summer, lame. I may need a few vacations this year to make up for the lack of sun my body has not seen.
Off to read a chapter about early life development!
I am actually excited to start classes again. I feel like my brain turns to jello if I am not learning anything. I hate feeling useless, and the past 5 weeks, although they have been a much needed break, they were also torture. I am happy to be distracted by something I am good at.
I have a brain, and a very smart one. I love details, challenging topics, debates.....the usual.
Sadly, I've been feeling under the weather for a few days. Headaches, sinus stuff, overall lack of energy...could be also because I've been working out twice a day just because I had time to do it.
What's cool is I got a new job, and a new place to live all within the past couple of weeks. I am so excited that I get to move and not live with my momma anymore. I love her to death, she has been such a good mom, and she loves me dearly....but I can't handle being treated like I am 16 anymore...that was 9 years ago.
I will still see her because she will be my laundromat and pedicure funds....so it should be good.
One thing I love about moms and I know I take for granted because I am not a mom yet is this...she will always be the one to care for you (even if imperfectly and sometimes annoyingly) and she will give the clothes off her back and the food off her plate to keep you healthy, warm, and fed. I heard someone say that when their mom passes away there will be no one left who truly puts you before themselves at all times....
Now not all moms are like that, some turn out to be lame and horrible, but for the most part it's true. I know that my mom would sell a kidney to make sure I was ok. She has fought her whole life to make sure I would turn out a bright young woman, and I hope that I meet that expectation.
So the Fall is here, not much of a summer, lame. I may need a few vacations this year to make up for the lack of sun my body has not seen.
Off to read a chapter about early life development!
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Decisions
How do you move on from significant happenings in your life? I've never been where I am today in how I feel, my emotions, my thoughts, how I think through things. At this point in life my emotions are a lot more apparent, more than they have ever been. I don't know if that's a good thing or bad thing. To me, it makes me feel out of control and I don't like it, but since I can't control them as well as I use to I guess I don't have much of a choice except to accept where I am at in life right now and be ok with how I am.
Anyways, I've been meeting with a lady a couple times a month since April to kind of sift through things and figure out issues I saw coming out in my life while I was dating this guy I fell hard for. I saw myself reacting in ways and guarding myself in ways that I didn't realize I would do. I noticed that some of my responses in that relationship weren't right and something was off. I didn't know any of that would have happened, I guess I just had to date to see it come out.
During the times I've met with this lady, it's gotten extremely spiritual, which I am not wanting to get into. I love God, I want to serve Him and obey as best I can what He asks of us in the Bible. I want to do this because I want a reason why I am doing what I am doing...and it's because I love God.
Beyond that, I just get exhausted, skeptical, and frustrated with how diverse the Christian faith can become and why has it lost its simplicity!?
Unfortunately, I come from an extremely over the top spiritual background starting at age 15. I got out of the church I was a part of 3 years ago just about, but some remnants have surfaced during my relationship...I hate myself for it, but it happened, and it is what it is now.
Now I am in this spot where I know that I want to keep going to school, I want to get out on my own, I want to love God and love people, and I want to be loved...
I want simple.
Now the decisions...my "counselor" is a wonderful woman...I loved meeting with her at first, but by the time we met 8 or 9 times I was beginning to get really uncomfortable. It started reminding me of my old church. I told her, and it felt like we talked through it a bit. But then it began again...I feel like at this point I should see someone else for the help I want.
NOT everything in life is a spiritual issue...Yes God is in everything, but sometimes that means he is leading me to a doctor, or to a friend, or to a good movie that can cheer me up.
I have so many decisions to make....
Better get a move on.
Oh gotta love the randomness of my writings....maybe it will make sense to someone :)
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Do you remember where you were?
9/11...I know I am a day late but I haven't had my computer for about 5 weeks and today is the first day I have it back to write whenever I want.
Anyway, do you remember where you were the day our nation was attacked? I remember I was in high school, sophomore year. I was sleeping but it was about time wake up when my brother came running into my room telling me the Twin Towers got hit by planes. I was really sleepy so it took a few times to compute that something so huge and horrible was happening.
I remember that we were going to be heading off for a school retreat that week and everywhere I went people were canceling things, rescheduling, and holding off just in case war hit on our soil.
The grief that our entire nation felt that day and throughout the aftermath goes without words. It was a terrible time.
I watched news on it as much as I could, and prayed constantly for the families and friends directly effected by the loss. It was hard not to cry even though I didn't know anyone who died. A tragedy that big, how could your heart not be wrenched?
As the years have passed I remember thinking, September 11th is going to be a day where a lot of people will move on in life and forget that our nation was under attack that day. I made a promise to myself not to forget to set aside time to honor my fellow Americans and pray for the families who lived on after their losses. I also take time to pray for our nation, and our government. I am far from a fan of our current President and am not sure what's going to happen in our future as a "power" country, but regardless he and his cabinet need our support...whether that be by voting against what he wants and voting for it. Ultimately we need to take hold the freedom we are given and be active in this country to see what we want happen here. I pray for Obama and our other leaders, and state wide as well for our governor (whom I think needs to retire) that right judgment calls will be made. Money will be spent wisely, and saved wisely. I pray that our leaders will actually be in position wanting to serve their fellow citizens.....sheesh!
Yesterday on the 9th year of remembering that tragic day I was privileged to go to a Brad Paisley concert in Eastern Washington at a place called George, Washington :) Fun huh? We were at The Gorge which is a huge amphitheater overlooking the Columbia River and gorgeous views of rolling hills and canyons. We had a moment of silence last night in honor and remembrance of every person who suffered and lost their life that day. It was an incredible moment to hear silence sweep over thousands of people who were there to "party." Of course there were the drunkards just a few yards off but the overall silence of most everyone else reminds you that not all is lost. People still have some respect and that we love our country and the freedom we are given by those who serve us.
I am thankful for our government and military services, the bravery and desire to protect our country is incredible. The freedom we have to live lives that can be full of dreams and opportunity...we truly are blessed and I pray that God's hand is on this nation.
Anyway, do you remember where you were the day our nation was attacked? I remember I was in high school, sophomore year. I was sleeping but it was about time wake up when my brother came running into my room telling me the Twin Towers got hit by planes. I was really sleepy so it took a few times to compute that something so huge and horrible was happening.
I remember that we were going to be heading off for a school retreat that week and everywhere I went people were canceling things, rescheduling, and holding off just in case war hit on our soil.
The grief that our entire nation felt that day and throughout the aftermath goes without words. It was a terrible time.
I watched news on it as much as I could, and prayed constantly for the families and friends directly effected by the loss. It was hard not to cry even though I didn't know anyone who died. A tragedy that big, how could your heart not be wrenched?
As the years have passed I remember thinking, September 11th is going to be a day where a lot of people will move on in life and forget that our nation was under attack that day. I made a promise to myself not to forget to set aside time to honor my fellow Americans and pray for the families who lived on after their losses. I also take time to pray for our nation, and our government. I am far from a fan of our current President and am not sure what's going to happen in our future as a "power" country, but regardless he and his cabinet need our support...whether that be by voting against what he wants and voting for it. Ultimately we need to take hold the freedom we are given and be active in this country to see what we want happen here. I pray for Obama and our other leaders, and state wide as well for our governor (whom I think needs to retire) that right judgment calls will be made. Money will be spent wisely, and saved wisely. I pray that our leaders will actually be in position wanting to serve their fellow citizens.....sheesh!
Yesterday on the 9th year of remembering that tragic day I was privileged to go to a Brad Paisley concert in Eastern Washington at a place called George, Washington :) Fun huh? We were at The Gorge which is a huge amphitheater overlooking the Columbia River and gorgeous views of rolling hills and canyons. We had a moment of silence last night in honor and remembrance of every person who suffered and lost their life that day. It was an incredible moment to hear silence sweep over thousands of people who were there to "party." Of course there were the drunkards just a few yards off but the overall silence of most everyone else reminds you that not all is lost. People still have some respect and that we love our country and the freedom we are given by those who serve us.
I am thankful for our government and military services, the bravery and desire to protect our country is incredible. The freedom we have to live lives that can be full of dreams and opportunity...we truly are blessed and I pray that God's hand is on this nation.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Wake me up when September ends
It's the 2nd and I am already ready for this month to get gone. Maybe rushing through life is a bad idea hey? Yah, it is. But sometimes when you just don't want to deal with the inevitable you would rather revert back to childish behavior and throw a tantrum to somehow get away from life circumstances you don't want to face.
I am excited about a couple things this Septiembre though....don't worry, it's just September in Spanish. I am going to a lake party this week to ride some jet skis and play with some cute little babies. I am also going camping which I am excited to be doing NOT on the side of a mountain. THEN, Brad Paisley among a plethora of other artists will be performing LIVE at the Gorge and I AM GOING TO ATTEND! I got myself a real cowgirl hat and some real boots to feel like I fit in...I even got really good at shooting a 9mm and a 45 over the past couple weeks so I have something to fall back on if anyone gives me flack for not being the "part." :)
Then the Puyallup Fair will be going on. There is that fun Fall feeling when the fair is alive and happening. I love going and walking around, people watching, eating ridiculously HUGE earthquake burgers, elephant ears, SCONES, and everything else.....I love the deep fried corn dogs too....it was a secret shame of mine until I confessed it on this thing...which again I believe only 2 people read. Maybe 3 sometimes.
I want to make a budget of what I can spend at the fair and go CRAZY. I want to ride on as many rides I can without getting sick, play some games and win oversized useless stuffed animals, and watch the pig races. Also I heard there are going to be some great concerts this year, so I may have to take a looksie and see who's performing. Hopefully I will have some people to go with.
Why is Tacoma a suckfest and all my friends decide to ditch it? I am going to too I've decided. I need out of here as fast as possible. This place will always have a special spot, since I grew up here and all, but I want out and I want to go somewhere warm year round with actual seasons and I want to live somewhere with lightning bugs. And I want to get away from a place that has so many painful memories honestly. There really isn't a place I haven't been where there's not some story... I want a fresh start.
After the fair I am seriously gonna hate the rest of the month. School starts, and the days get shorter. Rain will start showing up and my tan will soon fade back to my original color. I will probably be trying to keep myself busy to try and not feel like I am in limbo waiting on a conversation or two I really hope happens sooner than later so my heart can just have some peace for the first time in over two months. I also will be needing to find a new place to move. Living with my momma can only be good for so long before I gotta get out of dodge.
Random thought but I will leave you with this. I've been thinking on this for some time and just can't shake it.
Are you willing to fight with everything you have and let God be your strength to get and keep what you desire and long for? If not, are you willing to get there no matter the price you have to pay?
I want my answer to be yes....but it's not yet. When you've been so emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically drained because of every circumstance that is not fair, or is mean, or hurtful...you tend to learn fast not to trust anyone...that includes God often times because He is the one that could have not let any of those things happen......but in the end, we are human and He gives us the right to make our own decisions, so really He can't truly be to blame... but it still is hard to trust Him....
Hopefully I can get there. I don't know what else I have if He doesn't do something soon.
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