I am just about to embark upon a 15 hour drive to San Francisco with two beautiful friends of mine. Wish us luck!
I finished this week of classes below my usual expectations...Right now I just don't care. I am so ready for this summer quarter to be over so I can try to enjoy a 5 week break before Fall quarter drifts in to steal my life yet again.
A few things are on my mind as of late.....still thinking about the painful situation that happened 4 weeks ago.....pretty much all the time....perhaps that's why my school strategies have been slipping....or maybe it's because these thoughts steal my sleep at night and then school becomes a blur....I am so desperate to live on my own.....I want to move out of WA and get away. I want to be a nurse already so I can do what I want to do and have money....Money isn't my goal, but being able to use it for things that I want to do is...
I have not had a Facebook for about 4 days.....UM, I'm bored. That's sad. I need to find something to do with my time that I used to use for FB.
I wish music didn't affect me the way it does. Every song I hear brings some sort of emotion that I would rather not feel at the moment. It's a bother, and I am tired of being the state of life that I am in. SO Dear Radio, please play only happy songs that have nothing to do with love, or break ups....thanks, yours truly, Savannah.
Do you ever torture yourself when you're sad? I noticed with music I have listened to every country song I like or love over and over again this past month.....Even though I liked country since I've been little with a short sabbatical somewhere in the middle of my 25 years of life, it brings back only sad feelings right now. I hope that's not forever. I really like to listen to Brad Paisley a lot....and Josh Turner....and Jason Aldean.....and just about everyone else.
Why do we do that to ourselves? I think I know why I do it. So I don't go numb, so I still feel a connection with whatever or whoever all this stuff reminds me of, and to make sure that it doesn't constantly make me sad so that I have to give up one more thing I like because it depresses me during this time in my life.
Another thing on my mind is this....what if I skipped school the next two weeks, show up for the finals, take them and leave without a care in the world??? I only wish I could do that. I am a obsessive planner, I like to be organized, learned, well thought out, in control. I could never just not care about responsibilities I have.
With that, although not related at all, I have been wondering when God and I can just connect! I have been reading this short book about damaged emotions and stuff, and it makes sense but it's nothing I haven't heard before. I pray and I do things that the book encourages someone "like" me to do. I feel nothing. I look at other people's lives and compare mine to theirs. Why do they seem so happy where they are? Why can't I be like that? Why can't I just be thankful and know who God is so that I am not constantly battling my expectations of myself with the grace he freely gives? Then I get tired, and start thinking about other things.
Random I know. My brain is like spaghetti for sure.
Well my ride is here, pray I don't get a DVT from sitting for 16 hours! :)
Love to you from a not perfect person!
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Boots, Blisters, Strappy Sandals
Well, it's been a long time coming but my summit attempt on Mt. Rainier is coming up in 10 days. I have been training a lot more than I'd like, and right now I can tell you I dislike hiking. I got too much of it into my system and I dread getting up early to go do it. Especially hiking with 50 pounds on my back...I HATE THAT part.
I went this past Saturday to Bendura Mountain which is similar to Mt. Si. I couldn't sleep the night before, which is my life story right now, so I got up really early and drove out to the mountain. It was a pretty cool morning but I knew it was going to get hot so I wore some layers to take off and thin socks. The thin socks was where it all began.
By the time I got up to the top I had blisters the size of a quarter in 3 different places on each foot. The worst part of it all was I had to get back down the mountain. I didn't have any extra socks to help cushion my feet, so I had to grit my teeth and hobble down. And be reminded I still had 50 pounds on my back. Possibly 45 because I did drink 3 liters of water on the way up.
When I got home, I went to hang out with a friend for the day. I had birthday plans that fell through so it was either spend another day sad or at least try to go be somewhat optimistic. I tried to wear strappy sandals to be cute, you know, the gladiator ones? But when I put them on I almost threw up at how ugly they looked with my torn up feet...so I opted for the flip flop route which is more me anyways.
There is one person in particular who constantly has told me how ugly those shoes are....I finally agree with him....I think I might just leave them in the back of my closet until my feet heal from this training process, then maybe see what I think then. Just in case.
Hopefully climbing Mt. Rainier will be like the birthing process. You go through all that pain, but once you arrive you forget all the work you put into it because you have a baby in your arms....I guess instead of a baby I will feel accomplished or something?? Maybe it's just a really awesome view? Anyways, that's what I heard the birthing process is like. I'm pretty sure someday when I have kids, I'll probably be a bit more realistic than that. Maybe I will say something like, my baby was totally worth it but it hurt like a mofo and THAT I will NOT forget...or something along those lines...possibly more explicit...BUT that's for another blog some odd years down the road.
I'm off to eat Mexican food and get my tummy torn up! Have a blessed night folks.
I went this past Saturday to Bendura Mountain which is similar to Mt. Si. I couldn't sleep the night before, which is my life story right now, so I got up really early and drove out to the mountain. It was a pretty cool morning but I knew it was going to get hot so I wore some layers to take off and thin socks. The thin socks was where it all began.
By the time I got up to the top I had blisters the size of a quarter in 3 different places on each foot. The worst part of it all was I had to get back down the mountain. I didn't have any extra socks to help cushion my feet, so I had to grit my teeth and hobble down. And be reminded I still had 50 pounds on my back. Possibly 45 because I did drink 3 liters of water on the way up.
When I got home, I went to hang out with a friend for the day. I had birthday plans that fell through so it was either spend another day sad or at least try to go be somewhat optimistic. I tried to wear strappy sandals to be cute, you know, the gladiator ones? But when I put them on I almost threw up at how ugly they looked with my torn up feet...so I opted for the flip flop route which is more me anyways.
There is one person in particular who constantly has told me how ugly those shoes are....I finally agree with him....I think I might just leave them in the back of my closet until my feet heal from this training process, then maybe see what I think then. Just in case.
Hopefully climbing Mt. Rainier will be like the birthing process. You go through all that pain, but once you arrive you forget all the work you put into it because you have a baby in your arms....I guess instead of a baby I will feel accomplished or something?? Maybe it's just a really awesome view? Anyways, that's what I heard the birthing process is like. I'm pretty sure someday when I have kids, I'll probably be a bit more realistic than that. Maybe I will say something like, my baby was totally worth it but it hurt like a mofo and THAT I will NOT forget...or something along those lines...possibly more explicit...BUT that's for another blog some odd years down the road.
I'm off to eat Mexican food and get my tummy torn up! Have a blessed night folks.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
INCEPTION!!!!
OK, I think I just saw the best movie in a long time tonight. Obviously I will not share the story or the ending other than it has to do with dreams, which I believe the previews share. What I want to share though is the conversation I had with my friend after seeing the movie.
The only kind of person that can think up something that genius for a movie has to be a brilliant pot-head. Seriously. I have a few friends/acquaintances who have told me about their getting high experiences, and they all say the same thing! It's like living in a dream, you can experience a new kind of reality....
UM, ya think? I'm convinced that the person who created this idea, just made millions to support his smoking habits further.
BUT that movie was AMAZING. Way better than Avatar.....
The only kind of person that can think up something that genius for a movie has to be a brilliant pot-head. Seriously. I have a few friends/acquaintances who have told me about their getting high experiences, and they all say the same thing! It's like living in a dream, you can experience a new kind of reality....
UM, ya think? I'm convinced that the person who created this idea, just made millions to support his smoking habits further.
BUT that movie was AMAZING. Way better than Avatar.....
Thursday, July 22, 2010
So today I'm 25. I was 12 pounds 25 years ago today....that's odd to think about. All and all, I am not a big fans of birthdays. At least not mine. Something tends to often go heinously wrong. Today wasn't the funnest. I cried a lot, and prayed little. The question "why?" has been running through my mind today. But I guess that's not the smartest thing to be asking.
There were some highlights though! I got so many texts, voicemails, phone calls, Facebook posts, and cards telling me Happy Birthday....it's always encouraging when you can't keep up with all of them. You know you're loved.
I got a number of flower deliveries, at least 4 ice cream dates on the calendar, and I went rock climbing.
Anyways, this one isn't the most amazing blog, but I just wanted to say thanks to all of my dear friends and family. I love each and every one.
I am going to be shutting down my Facebook within the next week so I can spend more time in the real world :) I feel like FB has taken up so much of my time the past few weeks. I am always online for this or for that, and it's time to start dealing with LIFE situations and not cyber.....I've got things to focus on, and it's bout darn time I get'em werked out. :) Love to ya!
There were some highlights though! I got so many texts, voicemails, phone calls, Facebook posts, and cards telling me Happy Birthday....it's always encouraging when you can't keep up with all of them. You know you're loved.
I got a number of flower deliveries, at least 4 ice cream dates on the calendar, and I went rock climbing.
Anyways, this one isn't the most amazing blog, but I just wanted to say thanks to all of my dear friends and family. I love each and every one.
I am going to be shutting down my Facebook within the next week so I can spend more time in the real world :) I feel like FB has taken up so much of my time the past few weeks. I am always online for this or for that, and it's time to start dealing with LIFE situations and not cyber.....I've got things to focus on, and it's bout darn time I get'em werked out. :) Love to ya!
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