Decisions

How do you move on from significant happenings in your life? I've never been where I am today in how I feel, my emotions, my thoughts, how I think through things. At this point in life my emotions are a lot more apparent, more than they have ever been. I don't know if that's a good thing or bad thing. To me, it makes me feel out of control and I don't like it, but since I can't control them as well as I use to I guess I don't have much of a choice except to accept where I am at in life right now and be ok with how I am.
Anyways, I've been meeting with a lady a couple times a month since April to kind of sift through things and figure out issues I saw coming out in my life while I was dating this guy I fell hard for. I saw myself reacting in ways and guarding myself in ways that I didn't realize I would do. I noticed that some of my responses in that relationship weren't right and something was off. I didn't know any of that would have happened, I guess I just had to date to see it come out.
During the times I've met with this lady, it's gotten extremely spiritual, which I am not wanting to get into. I love God, I want to serve Him and obey as best I can what He asks of us in the Bible. I want to do this because I want a reason why I am doing what I am doing...and it's because I love God.
Beyond that, I just get exhausted, skeptical, and frustrated with how diverse the Christian faith can become and why has it lost its simplicity!?
Unfortunately, I come from an extremely over the top spiritual background starting at age 15. I got out of the church I was a part of 3 years ago just about, but some remnants have surfaced during my relationship...I hate myself for it, but it happened, and it is what it is now.
Now I am in this spot where I know that I want to keep going to school, I want to get out on my own, I want to love God and love people, and I want to be loved...
I want simple.
Now the decisions...my "counselor" is a wonderful woman...I loved meeting with her at first, but by the time we met 8 or 9 times I was beginning to get really uncomfortable. It started reminding me of my old church. I told her, and it felt like we talked through it a bit. But then it began again...I feel like at this point I should see someone else for the help I want.
NOT everything in life is a spiritual issue...Yes God is in everything, but sometimes that means he is leading me to a doctor, or to a friend, or to a good movie that can cheer me up.
I have so many decisions to make....
Better get a move on.

Oh gotta love the randomness of my writings....maybe it will make sense to someone :)